GM Loans
GM CEO Ed Whitacre says the company has now fully paid back the loans it received from the U.S. government. GM is now looking forward to going back to making cars no one wants to buy.



Apple Soars
Apple made a huge $3.1 billion profit in the first 12 weeks of this year. The news is prompting the Democrats to shift their policy from taxing the rich to just taxing the geeks.


Gambino Indictments
14 alleged members of the Gambino crime family have been indicted on charges including murder, racketeering, and trying to do business with Goldman Sachs.



Back to Normal?
Air travel throughout Europe is getting closer to normal. 46% of all usual traffic has resumed, airports in the U.K. are now open, and the airlines have already started to lose everyone's luggage again.



Earth Day Observance
Most of the world's nations plan to turn off lights and close factories for Earth Day tomorrow... which is why it is also now known as "Global Recession Day."





April 21st


1792: Tiradentes, a revolutionary leading a movement for Brazil's independence, is hanged, drawn and quartered. Then, five goons beat his corpse for 10 hours straight.


1960: Brasília officially becomes Brazil's capital when all the republic's official thong bikinis are transferred there from Rio de Janeiro.


1994: The first discoveries of extrasolar planets are announced by astronomer Alexander Wolszczan and three guys from the campus party frat house who were still totally baked 48 hours later.