Taliban Still Strong
A new study shows that despite an intense military offensive aimed at paralyzing the Taliban, insurgents have largely been able to absorb attacks and stay viable thanks to help from Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Wikileaks.



Sheen Busted
Charlie Sheen was busted at the Plaza yesterday after going on a rampage in his hotel room. Sheen's lawyer says he was having an allergic reaction to prescription medication, leaving millions of New Yorkers wondering which pharmacy in Manhattan is selling prescription cocaine.



Green Toilet Paper
In an effort to be more "green," Scott's is coming out with a new toilet paper roll without the cardboard tube inside. The news comes as a major relief to those who worried the green movement would soon force everyone to re-use their toilet paper at least three times.



Heat Lose!
LeBron James and the Miami Heat lost their season opener last night to Boston. The news was such a shock to the people at ESPN, that they forgot to do a story about Brett Favre for a whole 10 minutes.



Obama "Enemies"
President Obama said in an interview yesterday that Democrat voters need to “punish our enemies.” By "enemies," he obviously means the reporters who keep telling everyone what the unemployment rate is every month.





October 27th


312: Constantine the Great is said to have received his famous Vision of the Cross… his less famous Vision of the red iguana came aftr taking some ‘shrooms during Spring Break.


1553: Condemned as a heretic, Michael Servetus is burned at the stake. Marshmallows are provided.


1806: The French Army enters Berlin… but predictably gets scared in about five minutes and runs away.