Teacher Layoff Vote
The Los Angeles school board is set to vote today on laying off 4,000 teachers. Luckily for the teachers, no one from the LA school district can count higher than 50.



Wyoming Challenge
Wyoming is launching a legal challenge to the EPA's attempts to regulate greenhouse gases in the state... mostly on behalf of Wyoming's 500,000 flatulent cows.




Sweeney Award
Former union chief John Sweeney gets his Presidential Medal of Freedom today... mostly because the hundreds of people his thugs beat up over the years are too weak to say anything against him.



Pricey Car
The Italian auto company Pagani is about to sell a new sports car in America for $1.1 million each. That's $100,000 for the car, and $1 million for the glove compartment full of date rape drugs.



Valentine's Police
Malaysian police cracked down strictly on any couples found celebrating Valentine’s Day yesterday and they vow to do the same next year... which means millions of American men are now planning of moving to Malaysia.




February 15th


1852: Great Ormond St Hospital for Sick Children, London, admits its first patient. But it turns out it’s just a kid trying to get out of school for the day and he is promptly thrown out.

1954: Canada and the United States agree to construct the Distant Early Warning Line, a system of radar stations in the far northern Arctic regions of Canada and Alaska that serve to alert both nations when there’s a hockey fight on TV.

2001: First draft of the complete Human Genome is published in Nature, but readers are disappointed when it contains no instructions on how to make big boobs.