Some of you will have seen this before - so I apologise in advance, but it always cracks me up!
See someone did sented this to I. I think they is trys to tell (maybe sell) me somewhat. But I don't know how. So I say no thing. It are the safer weigh...
Cocktail lounge in Norway: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. Also: If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
Doctor's surgery, Rome: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
Hotel, Acapulco: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
Information booklet about using a hotel air-conditioner, Japan: "Cooles and heates. If you want condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself."
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour."
Sign in men's restroom in Japan: "To stop leak turn cock to the right."
In a Nairobi restaurant: "Customers who find out waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
On the grounds of a private school: "No trespassing without permission."
On an Athi River highway in Kenya: "Take notice: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
On a poster at Kencom, Kenya: "Are you an adult that cannot read. If so, we can help."
In a city restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends too."
One of the Mathare buildings, Kenya: "Mental health prevention centre."
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: "Do not activate with wet hands."
In a Pumwani, Kenya, maternity ward: "No children allowed."
In a cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
Sign in Japanese public bath: "Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub."
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: "Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
In a Bangkok temple: "It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner is dressed as a man."
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: "Please do not bring solicitors into your word."
Hotel brochure, Italy: "This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude."
Hotel lobby, Bucharest: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
Hotel lift, Paris: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
Hotel, Yugoslavia: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
Hotel, Japan: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
Ba-kaaak! You humans think you're confused - you have no idea how us Novapulsians feel about this language business. Thank the Corncob for the technoauto-translator!
(Images used in this post courtesy of the Engrish site - yes, there really is one!)
If it wasn't bad enough that I was beset by guinea fowl (32 marauders on the lawn last week - not much lawn of course but there you go - it's winter, it's cold, they're hungry) - but this morning I opened the curtains to find a goose paddling about in the pool! I mean, really! And on leaving the pool Not-Jemima-Not-Puddleduck *, proceeded to hiss at all the other interlopers and give them what for. Now this is not necessarily a bad thing when it comes to the gluttonous flock of doves - who, by sheer dint of numbers manage to swallow every morsel of grain out there - as I said before, nothing like a ravening mob to clear the place.
The squirrels of course are having none of it and things being what they are we've now set up Squirrel Mews - three boxes, covered in bin bags - to keep out the wet and the doves - under the patio table. Thinking the squirrels were now sorted we were somewhat gobsmacked to see a massive stand off going on. Word has got out that grub's about - not only do we get guineas and a goose, doves and squirrels - but a smaller - and decidedly feistier - rodent has turned up. Although he's not particularly welcome, I can't help but laugh at the sight of a very small rat who puffs himself up to look like huge and dangerous furball as he lashes out at two squirrels at a time. If you ever needed reminding that dynamite comes in small packages, this fellow says it all. Now, of course, I just have to find a way of politely asking him to dine elsewhere - because if the doves are anything to go by then it's going to be a job for the Pied Piper... and I shudder at that thought!
Dave, the squirrel...
(Image nicked off the image databank of google...)
(Image of the latest Harry Potter duly nicked off one of the many sites promoting the book.) 
