Snow Storms
Buffalo, NY may get up to three feet of snow today. Experts say the only more dangerous place in America right now is Tiger Woods' house




Michigan Stem Cells
The University of Michigan is now accepting human embryo donations for stem cell research. Scientists hope to use the embryos to somehow create an autoworker who can make a decent car.



Indian Deal
The Obama administration has agreed to pay $1.4 million to 300,000 Native Americans to settle a 122-year-old claim that the federal government swindled the Indians out of oil, mineral, and gas rights. This is not so much a concession to Native Americans as it is a stimulus plan for Anheuser Busch.



Taking the 5th
The Virginia couple who slipped through White House security and shook hands with President Obama is refusing to refusing to testify or talk to the media. On the bright side, now no one will find out where Mrs. Salahi bought that ridiculous wannabe sari.



Senate Health Deal
A group of Senate Democrats has made a deal to offer all Americans health insurance just like the plan used by federal employees. But unlike federal workers, Americans who enroll in this plan will still have to work.






1531: The Virgin of Guadalupe first appeared to Juan Diego at Tepeyac, Mexico City. Ironically, she was dressed kinda trashy.


1793: New York City's first daily newspaper is published, it includes shipping news, editorials about taxes, and a betting line that favors the Indians over the Western settlers by 13 1/2 points.


1875: The Massachusetts Rifle Association is founded. It's Massachusetts, so the club now threatens to shoot anyone who doesn't favor gun control.


1953: General Electric announces that all communist employees will be discharged from the company. They all later get jobs at MSNBC.