And you think you’re in control of your characters? Ha!

It’s getting out of hand. On two occasions in the past week I’ve been woken at stupid o’clock by characters clamouring to be heard. I mean, for heaven’s sake! Don’t they know a girl needs her beauty sleep?

The first one was Terry and those blasted gnomes. Terry is a character-

“I’m not a character!”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, I’m not a character!”
“Er, yes... you’re a character in one of my novels – you’re not really real.”
“I’m just as real as you!”
“No… You are a figment of my imagination.”
“I’m not!”

OUCH!

“What was that!?” My ankle is stinging something horrible.
“Serves you right, calling me a character. The gnomes just bit you!”
Muffled sniggering titters up from floor level.
“Yes, serveses you right, Missus.”
“Ssssh! Don’ts be upsetting her, you mugginpie, she’ll write you right out of the book.”
“She can’t. You’re real, whether she likes it or not.”

I ask you! Do you just see the things I have to put up with?

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, so, Terry, who is now REAL (really, really REAL!!!)…

“That’s better, thank you.”
“My pleasure…”

Terry first appeared in the second ever story I wrote about eight years ago. It’s a story for 9 – 12 year olds and it never saw the light of day because I was told it was “too Harry Potter” for the times. It wasn’t, but I know it’s not my opinion that counts. So Terry, those wretched, I mean, really, really real and lovely gnomes, a dragon and a whole world, where put away.

“And now we’ve stayed there for quite long enough!”
“You know what, Terry, I think you’re right.”

Guess what I’ll be working on next… That's what happens when characters, I mean, really, really real, er, people, start flexing their muscles.

So that was Terry, five days ago.

Then this morning Selena ripped the duvet off me at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. and babbled, “I’ve got an idea for a new opening to chapter one! Quick, get your pen!”
“But I only went to sleep four hours ago!”
“Not my problem that you were buggering around on Facebook! Quick!”

I now have three pages of what are most probably totally illegible notes to work through.

It’s not on, you know, really, it’s not.

“Oh stop whining,” mutters Selena and chews the end of a strand of hair.
“Don’t do that! And you’re not doing that in the book!”
“Whatever. Just because you think you can control me in the book, doesn’t mean you get to control my whole life! Now, I’m outta here, I’m meeting Chrissie at the mall.”
“Hey, wait, can I come with?”

WHA-' !?!?

“You can’t talk to her! You can’t, you know, talk across books!”
“Of course he can,” snaps Selena.
“Of course I can,” grins Terry. “So, can I?”
“No,” Selena says, “I don’t want some 12 year tagging along with me.”
Terry rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to tag along with you, d’you think I want to be seen with a bunch of GIRLS?! I just want a ride to the games arcade.”
“Oh, well that’s all right then. Come on. And oh,” she says, blowing me a kiss, “Good luck with that rewrite.”

Sigh.

Oh well, that’s that then, no more sleep. Again.