Plugging the Hole
After 86 days, BP has finally plugged the gushing oil well in the Gulf of Mexico. And after 86 years, the U.S. government has yet to plug the gapping hole in the border with Mexico.



Jobs and the iPhone 4
The bad news is Steve Jobs played a personal role in pushing the rollout of the iPhone 4 even though he knew about the antenna problems. The worse news is Jobs got the antenna from the same place he bought his new liver.



Goldman Settlement
Goldman Sachs has made a $550 million settlement with the Obama administration in its mortgage fraud case. That's $50 million to compensate investors and $500 million in new campaign donations for Democrats.



Hot Year
So far, 2010 is the warmest year on record... prompting many Members of Congress to demand new green laws and even more Members of Congress to publicly remove their pants.




Google's Woes
Google says it didn't make as much money last quarter because it hired too many people. Actually, it lost money because it hired too many people who bogart all the free donuts and Snapple in the Google cafeteria every day.




July 16th

1880: Emily Stowe becomes the first female physician licensed to practice medicine in Canada…. Prompting thousands of Canadian men to suddenly decide to get a prostate exam.

1965: The Mont Blanc Tunnel linking France and Italy opens, forever linking the world’s two most confused and disorganized countries.

1994: The Shoemaker-Levy Comet collides with Jupiter, creating huge explosions and an avalanche of phony insurance claims.