Three Year College
More and more American colleges are offering three-year bachelor's degrees... luckily, Arizona State still has the seven-year plan for most of its students.



Gellin' with Yellen
President Obama will nominate Janet Yellen as vice chairman of the Federal Reserve Board... mostly because she's one of the few American women not currently linked to Tiger Woods.



Traffic Accidents Down
U.S. traffic deaths have fallen to their lowest levels in 55 years. The only people getting killed on the road now are the ones speeding to the courthouse to sue Toyota.



Woods Returning!
Tiger Woods will reportedly play in The Masters next month. This means the most popular corporate hospitality tent will be the company handing out free disinfectant wipes and penicillin.




Home Avalanche
A new report in the Washington Post says a tidal wave of new homes for sale are about the hit the market. Most of these homes are owned by Democrats in Congress who are about to get voted out of Washington.





March 12th


1664: New Jersey becomes a colony of England... finally giving England a place to send all its low-lifes.


1947: The Truman Doctrine is proclaimed to help stem the spread of Communism. As a result, Communism spreads like wildfire for the next 44 years.


1994: The Church of England ordains its first female priests... making sure that all the existing priests who dressed in women's clothing felt a little less awkward.