Drug Use Up
Illegal drug use in America has hit an all-time high, mostly because of a big spike in marijauna and meth smoking. The only thing you can't light up is a copy of the Koran.



Tax the Rich?
A new AP poll shows that most Americans don't want a tax hike on the rich! That's because if the government takes all their money, there won't be enough left for us to steal!



Bad Housing News
New data shows that more homes than ever are being repossessed. Americans are responding by frantically applying for jobs repossessing homes.



Chase Snafu
Chase Bank's web site has been down for the better part of three days, prompting email scammers to riot in the streets of Nigeria.




GM "Thanks"
New General Motors CEO Dan Akerson says bailing out GM was a "wonderful thing the taxpayers did for the company." It's not clear if rape victims appreciate being thanked.




September 16th


1955: Juan Perón is deposed from power... mostly for not being able to hit the high notes in “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.”

1975: Papua New Guinea gains its independence from Australia… mostly out of hatred for the Bee Gees.

1975: Cape Verde, Mozambique and Sao Tome and Principe join the United Nations… mostly in hopes of imposing sanctions on the Bee Gees.