Amtrak High Speed "Vision"
Today, Amtrak will unveil its 30-year plan for high-speed rail along the East Coast. Right now on Amtrak, it takes 30 years to get from Philadelphia to Newark



Union Takeover
The AFL CIO's President says it's time for unions to take over public companies... just as soon as they get off their lunch break.



BP Safety
The good news is BP is creating a new safety division. The bad news is it's headed by Lindsay Lohan.



AIG Deal?
There is reportedly a deal in the works to dramatically cut the government's stake in AIG... just as soon as we can find enough drunken sailors to buy the stock.



Attack Stopped
Paris police say the city has thwarted a massive al Qaeda attack. The terrorists were apparently ready to bomb several targets, but after living in Europe for several months they all refused to work more than three hours a day.




September 29th


1227: Frederick II, Holy Roman Emperor, is excommunicated by Pope Gregory IX for his failure to participate in the Crusades and the Vatican fantasy football league.



1960: Nikita Khrushchev, leader of Soviet Union, disrupts a meeting of the United Nations General Assembly with a number of angry outbursts… mostly because they would not validate parking.



1962: Alouette 1, the first Canadian satellite, is launched… it is immediately sent to the penalty box.