Some of the thoroughly bizarre things you have to do to prove you are you

So the bank sends me this letter (hubby didn't get one) about my having updated my address. They send it to your previous address. We did not update our address. We changed all of our accounts.

It's probably part of that, but getting such a letter after a home invasion is a bit unnerving and I am starting to crack. It has reached a piece of me that is not believing the "It's just stuff It's just stuff" mantra.

So they send you online and since I've not accessed this account online before, part of the process is sending an identity code to your phone number. The three numbers listed are way outdated. I choose none of the above. Clicking next brings me to the same page. The explanation says I can change it later but I have to choose one of these.

Hubby and I discuss at length and decide that before anything else happens they will let me change the number, so I choose an old work number and click Next.

They sent the code to that number. Naturally, I cannot proceed because they have sent this code to a number I have not had access to for a number of years.

So I call.

"In order to proceed we will  have to verify your identity using information from your public record not associated with your account." (Where did they get this public information--the same place that says I am in my twenties and have lived here with a roommate for three years?--BTW I am in my 60s and have lived with my husband for 43 years--35 of them in this house.)

Which of these three names are someone you have known? Three names are listed and I recognize none of them.

Which of these three vehicles have you owned or leased? Three vehicles I have never owned are listed and I tell the nice Indian gentleman this (no offense meant--he was A team).

So three more vehicles that I have not owned are offered and I tell him so.

"I am sorry ma'am, but I cannot verify your identity. Please go into your local bank branch to verify this."

I will go into my local bank on Monday, and they will get an earful.