Exxon Calls out BP
Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson is expected to tell Congress today that BP made several mistakes in the Gulf oil spill that his company would never make. For example, Exxon has always known that if you're going to spill millions of gallons of crude, at least somebody should get stinking drunk first.



Pelosi Rent
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco district office has a rent of more than $18,700 per month! That's $700 for the office space, and $18,000 for the Botox clinic in the back.



Kennedy Files
Newly released FBI files show that there were constant threats made on Ted Kennedy's life beginning in the early 1960's. Most of those threats came from jealous husbands and stiffed bartenders.



UT Stays Put
The University of Texas has decided to remain in the Big 12. The schools realized that switching to another conference might force its football players to count to a number higher than 12.



Health Costs Rising
PricewaterhouseCoopers says employer health care costs will grow by another 9% next year. Obviously it's already so expensive that PricewaterhouseCoopers had to cut the spaces between the names in its title.





June 15th


1916: President Woodrow Wilson signs a bill incorporating the Boy Scouts of America... after heavy lobbying by the nation's most influential pedophiles.


1994: Israel and Vatican City establish full diplomatic relations... sparking an immediate renaissance for millions of "A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar..." jokes.


2002: An massive asteroid misses the Earth by 75,000 miles... mostly because the guy driving it refused to let his wife ask for directions.