A-Rod Out
Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez left the game early last night because of tightness in his groin. Actually, groin tightness was also the reason his marriage broke up a couple of years ago.



World Cup Distractions
The World Cup soccer tournament begins today. The games would be a massive distraction to European workers, if there were any Europeans still working.



College Football Moves
Several major college football teams are now planning to switch conferences. The shifts are motivated mostly by money, but some of the schools are moving in hopes of playing games in new states where their players aren't wanted by the cops.



Millionaires on the Rise
The number of millionaires in America actually rose last year. Unfortunately, most of them were rich Muslim terrorists who snuck into the U.S. with bombs in their underwear.



Dell Case
Dell has set aside $100 million for a potential fraud settlement. Apparently, each and every one of Dell's customers were hoodwinked into believing they were buying a computer that isn't a piece of crap.





June 11th


1805: A fire consumes large portions of Detroit in the Michigan Territory. Most of the city has been on fire ever since.


1998: Compaq pays $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corporation, only to find it on sale at Best Buy for $29.99 two days later.


2002: Antonio Meucci is acknowledged as the first inventor of the telephone by the U.S. Congress... and immediately sends a massive tax bill to all his descendants.