Ireland Debt Downgrade
More bad economic news for Europe: S&P has just downgraded Ireland's national debt from AA status to 180 proof.



Paris Hilton Stalker
Police arrested a man armed with several knives outside of Paris Hilton's house last night. They quickly brought him back to the scene and supplied him with a gun and a rocket launcher.



18-Game NFL Season?
NFL owners are debating whether to expand the regular season to 18 games. The shorter offseason should cut down on the chances for players to commit serious felonies.



Credit Card Debt Shrinks
U.S. credit card debt is the lowest it's been in eight years. Most Americans are using their cards to break back into their foreclosed homes.



Heart's New Album
Heart frontwomen Ann and Nancy Wilson are out with a new album. But it's not clear if fans will embrace an entire CD about stretch pants and spider veins.






August 25


1580: In the Battle of Alcântara, Spain defeats Portugal… but since this was a European war, it was decided on penalty kicks.

1916: The United States National Park Service is created… mostly as a sanctuary for illicit sexual activity and other miscreants.

1980: Zimbabwe joins the United Nations after finally falling into deep enough of a moral decay to qualify.